Do you notice your worth in the 'small' things?
A reflection merged into a creative face paint
An ode to the magic of winter, which I haven't had the chance to experience this year. I have always felt a deep connection with this season, that only deepens my sadness at its slowly but surely melting away (pun intended) into a warmer climate.
Freedom, play and intuition - just a few of the words I associate with winter. That's how this spontaneous look was created, as inspired by an unexpected snowy day in London, earlier this month. ❄️🪩
Do you notice your worth in the 'small' things?
A big part of the unfulfillment and disconnection we experience in life stems from a sticky identification with our job role or profession, more specifically, with our performance at the workplace. Hence we become our job and we impose a limitation on our worthiness. We put tremendous pressure on just one small part of who we are, which casts a shadow on what else we can be or become. As we define ourselves through external factors, we become vulnerable. And that, more often than not, keeps us stuck. When you’re a (freelance) creative, there’s an even bigger tendency to see your worth in black and white, as the pressure to stand out and be the best at what you do acquires a gargantuan status.
I started acknowledging this pattern on a personal level during my mentoring session with Khandiz. She is one of the people I appreciate the most in the creative industry, and she always manages to read between my lines. As I would chat about my evolution as an artist, complaining about this and that, she made me aware of how much I was holding onto my make-up artist persona and how that affected me on different levels.
Not only that stepping into the freelancing world can be a struggle at times, but the fact that I ‘became’ a make-up artist in my late 20s (making it a profession in my early 30s) felt even more like a race against myself and time. I got so wrapped up in it and would attribute so much of my worth to how much money I would make (or not) out of it, or to how many clients I would get, that I kind of lost sight of who I was on all the other levels.
It’s only when I’d start to disentangle from the idea that my worth relied on my performance as a make-up artist, as well as on the external feedback I received or the lack of it, that things started to open up for me. It felt freeing and less restrictive in terms of what I believed I was capable of.
It also pushed me to reflect more on who else I was outside the make-up artistry and taught me to pay more attention to other clues, not so obvious to myself at first. And so I’d begin to take notice and embrace different kinds of feedback. I’d start learning to notice my worth in the ‘small’ things. Whether it was people asking me for advice regarding nutrition, wellbeing, unique gifts ideas or travelling locations, or complimenting me on my eye for nature photography and details, or the way I am capable of relating to other people, I started paying attention to all these things and acknowledging their relevance. I started to take notice of how my creative spirit blends into lots of other different things that I wouldn’t mark as important, just because I don’t make money out of it. Most importantly, although not without an effort yet, I’m settling on the thought that my worth is actually not dependent on anyone or anything, but just on being and spreading my colours into the world.
I am weaving my way into connecting with all these parts of myself that, although they might feel as having no link to one another, they’re just pieces of the same puzzle and are way more interconnected than they seem at a first glance.
Financial and emotional dependence on just one thing, or person for that matter, is rarely if ever a sustainable way of living, which takes me back to another concept I came across also through Khandiz, that of a hybrid professional. As someone who’s been struggling for so long to make sense of my potential and see my inability to stick to just one thing as an ability, the concept deeply resonated with me and turned the light on other possibilities. More on this particular topic in a future newsletter, so stay tuned.
Now turning the lights on you, my lovely readers, I would prompt you to make a list of all the things you enjoy doing or are good at - notice when they check both boxes or whether you’d like them to - and relish, breathe them in, make space for doing them, or maybe being that person more often.
TO-FEEL vs TO-DO lists
I have scratched the surface on this topic in a previous newsletter, yet I was reminded of its essence during my somatic therapy sessions with Katsura, so I’ve decided to linger a bit more on it.
I would often bring forward my crippling anxiety, arising as my mind would be bombarded by too many creative ideas. This emotional storm started 2-3 years ago, and while it was exciting at first, it would slowly begin to take over me. It brought my body into a state of freeze and overwhelm, as I would feel the urgency to accomplish everything at the same time. I was in a constant state of doing and overcompensating.
As intuitive as she is, Katsura set a challenge for me. She asked me to name (just) 6 projects that I am working on (more like ruminating on, rather than taking action, which often keeps me stuck and burned out at the same time) and associate them with my 6 limbs (did you know we also have an invisible tail? 🐆). I was to test my memory during this process, produce intuitive movement and name feelings in relation to these associations. Quite a few insights came out of it, yet what stood out the most were the emerging feelings and emotions. I found it interesting how some of my limbs felt energised and burning to move, some felt playful, some weak or numb, while others were heavy. This fun role play made me reflect on the significance and importance of all those dreams I wanted to work towards in the craziest multitasking way possible. We should play more often!
We often rush into doing something without paying attention to how that makes us feel in our body, which would be a good indication of why we set out to do it, if it actually serves us well or if it’s worth a top place in our priority list.
I have this tendency to linger a lot in my mind, particularly since this surge of energy and ideas, which feels wonderful and empowering on one hand ( imagine a 30+y old butterfly finally emerging from its cocoon), but also painfully overwhelming. My default reaction to a context like this is to freeze, instead of processing and taking action. That’s why moving my body a lot lately, through different mediums, and noticing what feelings and emotions rise up, helped me so much in getting unstuck. And it feels so good to finally (re) learn to unfreeze, emerge and trust my intuition.
We should lean more into our bodies. They are our home, the carriers of our whole beings, our guides. They are pure nature and intuition. We take action with our body, not with our mind. The latter is not always to be trusted.
So what if, instead of the insurmountable and perpetually unsatisfying to-do lists, we envisioned TO-FEEL lists? Ask yourself first ‘What would I Iike to feel?’. When you think of something that’s on your to-do list, does it feel good in your body? If it doesn’t, then ask yourself why you want to do it. Is it really necessary, can it wait?You’ll know what fits and what doesn’t fit any longer.
As an extension to this, what if we fixated less on the achievement or the goal, and more on the journey? The more we loosen the grip on how we want and believe things would turn out, the more our selves expand and make room for new opportunities
Sparks of interest
A fashion documentary - 'Fashion reimagined'
A thorough and moving glimpse into Amy Powney’s journey as a fashion activist, as she sets on creating a sustainable collection from field to finished garment, that was launched in 2018 with her brand ‘Mother of Pearl’. I loved every minute of the film. Katharine Hamnett manages to create an engaging, visually delightful and educational narrative (she’s such a geek!), while Amy’s grit, drive and resilience are undeniably admirable.
A short film: Where do ideas come from?
The title speaks for itself, yet there are so many things to grasp in this 5 min long video. We sometimes make such a big deal of the word ‘inspiration’, we seek it in grand things, we push it, we’re haunted by it, yet there’s inspiration in everything, even in the smallest and most random things, and it’s so different for different people. The animation is also a delight to watch!
A podcast - How we grow from being at our worst
There’s been a lot of reflection lately on the topic of finding our true nature, through shedding the imprints that no longer serve us, one by one, unlearning the patterns and mechanisms that have been inflicted on us by our environment, until we can grasp our blueprint, thus aligning with our true self. Although I have embarked on this mission myself (it has taken me years and years to only begin to realise how much I was suppressing my nature and see the potential of using my energy and intuition) I am starting to open up to the idea that we are not just one (true) self. I love how the podcast conceptualises this point. The discussion centres mainly on what makes people grow from being at their worst and how fallback is an inherent part of being human (and it happens to the ‘best’ of us). There’s quite a few wonderful insights in it, yet what caught my attention even more is Valerie’s use of the metaphor of theatre as a description of a multi-faceted self. We are a full spectrum of inner characters. Releasing the grip on the quest to find that one part of ourselves that promises purpose and enlightenment, and, inherently, a better self than the present one, might open up new meanings and pathways to explore.
A TED talk - The trick to regaining your childlike wonder
I had a lot of fun watching this guy playing tricks with my imagination. In an entertaining talk full of props and surprises, he challenges and teaches us how to regain our sense of childhood wonder that many of us have lost touch with. When we leave aside our assumptions and start seeing things from a playful place, thus letting our imagination roam free, new ideas can emerge in the world.
One of the most evocative and tactile movies I have ever seen, profoundly heartbreaking but also glimmering with hope and tenderness. 13 year old Rémi and Léo are inseparable. Their friendship, one of the most beautifully portrayed I came across, is joyful, heartwarming, insightful and intense - likely too intense for some. Their seemingly unbreakable bond is tragically shattered, at its core, by the pressure of masculinity, hence a disturbing and premature loss of innocence.
Not only is the filmmaking delightful, but the voice telling the story is uncommonly empathetic and insightful. A refined finger pointing at a homophobic society and a reminder that we are long overdue for learning how to hold such a deep connection. A closer look to how wondrous but vulnerable an intimate relationship between young boys can be.