How I unplug after a job

One of the most anticipated things about the annual camp I took part in when I was a child, and later on as an adolescent, were the drawing/painting lessons. I wasn’t particularly good at precision and drawing specific shapes, just as I am now often clumsy with verbalising my ideas or emotions. I did love, though, and still do, abstract painting and colours (my comfort zone). My favourite painting moment was when we would fold a huge piece of paper in two, splash some colours on one side and then press the two sides together. Some sort of abstract butterfly would emerge. I had no awareness of the Rorschach technique at that time, but our experiment must have been a version of it.

Here is me, a few years later, a misfit corporate girl turned creative, playing with the same technique, using paints and pressed flowers. So, who's in for a future series of these mini creative tutorials? 🎨🦋

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How I unplug after a job

In a culture that teaches us to jump from one thing to the next in a single breath, the ability to shake things off becomes a disability. It can be anything from a strenuous day at work or a difficult conversation, a hard taken criticism, the over analysing something we’ve said or done, or allowing ourselves to subside to the energy of others. We’ve lost the natural ability to unplug and properly process all these things. It took a burnout (that required a few months break from work) to realise that one of the behavioural patterns leading me to feel so run down and disconnected was my inability to press the brake pedal, even when it was safe for me to do so. I would come home after a long, sometimes exhausting day at work, and instead of clearing the leftovers and unplugging, I would keep going. I would be stuck in that same energy by replaying the day (often in an unconstructive way), chatting with the people I met that day, sending BTSs, getting lost  in the same old addictive scrolling, posting stories, thinking and planning the next move or the next job, even when I really didn’t feel like it (and most of the times I didn’t even need to). It’s common for a make-up artist that our energy often goes into so many directions on a shoot, not just into the execution of the make-up look. If you are like me, you are the good listener, the entertainer, often the therapist, the photographer’s or the stylist’s assistant, the BTS photographer, the (not so much any more) people pleaser. And yes, on top of it all, the creator. By choosing a scroll (or anything else that keeps us negatively charged) over a break and self-regulation, we are in a perpetual connection to the external world and our thoughts, and a flimsy (if any) connection to our body and felt sense – the real indicators of our health and general wellbeing.

I wrote about morning rituals and habit stacking in a previous newsletter so I’ll pick up from there and share a few tools or practices I use (alternatively, not all at once! 📚) to process a loaded day at work or any other experience that triggers a flight-or-freeze response in my nervous system.

🌱 Mindful breathing is the simplest and most accessible way to step out of your mind and into your body, or to turn down the volume to an anxiety attack. How often do you take your breathing for granted, as if it’s there just for you to exist? It’s impossible not to be present when you focus on your breathing, so take deep, slow breaths, focus on the release (exhale) and think of it as clearing out whatever keeps you holding onto a particular energy. Andrew Huberman talks about the power of a physiological sigh and shares many other great resources and insights on this topic in his podcasts.

🌱 Tapping, also called emotional freedom technique (EFT) is a practice I’ve been resorting to for about 2 years now, and it’s a handy tool in times of need. Although it’s similar to meditation (like the Headspace app probably most of you know or use), it works better for me – maybe due to its somatic component (tapping on specific points, drawing on the traditional Chinese medicine practice of acupuncture) – alongside the guided meditation.

🌱 Yoga nidra (non-sleep deep rest) is another practice I’ve come across fairly recently thanks to the same neuroscience master, Andrew Huberman, that was of big help in my recovery from burnout and chronic insomnia. It’s a great way to put the break on for 15-30 min before setting out onto the next thing. I like indulging in this practice by laying down, but keeping my feet up, either by resting them on a wall or a couch. This is a great way to reset your nervous system and if you are someone who works on their feet all day long, it feels really good to be (sort of) upside down, for a change.

🌱 Call of the wild. I firmly believe we are wild animals at core, yet we are systematically domesticated by a society that teaches us to be nice and neat, and to suppress anything that is labelled as bad or inappropriate behaviour (which would often be so beneficial for our health, relationship to selves and others). Sometimes, the only thing I need after a loaded day is a literal shake off of my whole body and a scream (or a panther roar, depending on what got on my nerves 😀). It feels like such a relief. A good cry works as good. Wild animals are the best at shaking off the stress in their bodies, so why not follow suit? We’re spending too much of our life in a submissive mode, which is affecting our health, way more than we may be aware of.

🌱 Warm baths. I do love a warm bath at the end of the day, and water, as the source of life, is a wonderful healer and cleanser of any residue that does not naturally belong to the body. Sort of out of context now, but many of my ideas spring out while relaxing in a tub or just feeling the water running on my body, an even more powerful evidence of the clearing effect water has. You can pour in salts, essential oils and/or flower petals, to activate your senses. If you don’t have a bathtub, a warm shower is a good alternative, just pay attention to the bodily sensations in contact with water. You can get an aromatherapy shower steamer as well, like this one.

🌱 Dance. I don’t know if there’s anything that has contributed more to boosting my creativity and confidence, improving my general wellbeing or loosening my tight grip on control, than dance has. I have always loved dancing, although while it kind of empowered my insecure self, I’d still be way too self-conscious to enjoy it/myself to the fullest. It was only once I’d started taking contemporary dance lessons and other somatic practices that I’d truly ripped its benefits, hence I’d become more relaxed and connected with my body and spirit. I’d basically start enjoying myself. Thus I often dance my worries or anxiety away, be it via a dance lesson or just a few minutes of free movement on uplifting music. Here’s a song that puts me in the dance move straight away. I will spend more time on this topic – my relationship to dance and how it shaped both my body and my spirit – in a future newsletter.

🌱 Colouring books. I’ve been recently gifted a super cool colouring book by one of the most colourful humans I know, and it intuitively turned into a ritual. I often turn to it as a means to relax after a long day or when I’m stuck with something and I need a break from it. It not only keeps me in a flo , but it also plays on my curiosity and creativity.

Once I incorporated all these rituals – allowing energy to flow rather than caging it inside my body – I started feeling more connected, more energised, but also calmer, less draining to the people I really cared about, and more mentally and physically equipped for the next job. It takes practice, I frequently slip off, yet just by being mindful of the possibility of breaking the cycle, I am building a home inside my body, brick by brick. This is just a tried-and-tested “list”, my list, but find what works for you. Anything that keeps you in your body instead of your mind, ruminating, in the flow (the present moment) rather than in an aimless scroll, is a shift in perspective. 

How often are you able to stay in a flow without getting distracted by this and that?

Sparks of interest

A movie: The Blue Caftan. A delightful visual poetry, a genuine, insightful and tender reflection on both the symbolism and the ordinary of life. One of the most poignant qualities of this film is, I think, its ability to explore the nuanced and complex character of human nature, as I noticed my feelings towards the characters shift as the story progressed. A beautiful and mature love story with extraordinary acting and craftsmanship.

A compilation of Jim Carrey’s wise words and life scraps: "It's about who you are". There’s always something about this guy, who has comedy as his weapon but also the most profound soul, that makes my own spirit light up in the most tender way. “I learned that you can fail at what you don’t love. So you might as well do what you love.” “But to find real peace you need to let the armour go… Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Risk being seen in all of your glory.”

An article: Choose the Activism That Won’t Make You Miserable. It’s always worth knowing which fights are worth fighting for, on a personal level. I’ve experienced it on my own skin: how depleted and miserable the wrong fight/activism can make me feel. There’s an ingrained misconception here that we should suffer on a par with the level of heaviness attached to the cause we stand up for. “The best way of trying to change the world is the one that will offer you happiness too.”

A dance choreography: Voyeur by Phillip Chbeeb & Makenzie Dustman. Not much to say here besides the fact that I am obsessed with everything this couple creates.

A documentary: Nothing Compares. In the light of Sinéad’s recent passing, I remembered watching this documentary one year ago that not only made me aware of what an extraordinary, yet deeply traumatised human she was, of what a pertinent and powerful voice she had in shaping views and beliefs, but it also reinforced my belief that we have such a low tolerance level and we know so little about people, whom we jump on judging based on an image we often create ourselves.

A TED talk: "And That Is How I Learned To Stop Being Unhappy" by Giles Duley. A war photographer’s powerful talk about how his often painful journey through life gave him a clear sense of what happiness means to him. It is often our struggle to change things that are out of our control, and a lack of purpose and focus that blind us from seeing what really makes us happy.

A book: Remarkably Bright Creatures. A charming, playful exploration of friendship and hope, tracing a widow's unlikely connection with a giant Pacific octopus. A comfort book, moving and catchy at the same time.