Off the canvas reflections

Oct 19, 2023

We’re a bunch of workaholics when it comes to digging for answers (to our problems, to our worries, to our fears, to who we are – to all sorts of big life questions, basically). And we don’t just want any answers, but we strive for what we deem as the perfect, revelatory, ineffable ones. We want quick access to them as well. The obsession with figuring things out and our perpetual quest for certainty are, I believe, closely knit. In his podcast episode on How To Shape Your Identity & Goals (a great one, by the way), Andrew Huberman brings forward a study that showed we tend to find more relief in getting a negative answer than staying with uncertainty. Imagine that!

Truth is, there is often no clear or obvious answer to life's struggles and complexities. Sometimes there won’t be any answer at all, no matter how deep a hole we dig. Having questions is part of being human. Yet obsessing over finding the (perfect) answer will often keep us stuck and oblivious to other opportunities that are floating in the air waiting to be grasped, waiting for our presence. On the other hand, staying curious about the questions and about who we will become in the process, will move us forward and bring a sense of ease into our lives. Moreover, the answer we are so attached to grasping, might materialise into something different, that has the chance to pleasantly surprise us, if we make space for it.

This limitative quest for answers is deeply entrenched in the creative industry, where the uncertainty, insecurity and instability prevail. We want to know how long it takes us to become a name, to master a skill, to be seen for all our potential and value, to gain financial comfort. We want to know why the other succeeded while we still feel at the beginning of the road, although there’s seemingly similar conditions to grow (which is often not the case in reality). We want to know what we have done wrong, what else we need to improve. We’re craving for recipes, but the truth is, there is no such thing, even more so in the creative world. I don’t know about you, but whenever I’m in the kitchen eager to get my hands working on someone else’s recipe, I often get terribly frustrated at the fact that although I am convinced I followed their guidance in its entirety, my result falls short. There’s always obvious (or not so obvious) reasons for that dissonance, yet my default is to blame it on myself. Then I pull myself (and my ingredients 🌿🥜🍇🍓) together and acknowledge that it still takes practice, that I still need to adapt that recipe to whatever tools I have in the kitchen, the quality of the ingredients, the (acquired) ability to improvise when things don’t go in the expected direction, and just my own energy at that particular moment in time. Sometimes that recipe might just not be my cup of tea (or piece of cake), so letting go and shifting the focus – that is my answer. Same goes in the creative industry. Whenever we focus our energy and attention, in a self deprecating way, towards what others have achieved, we miss out on the sea of possibilities that surrounds our own unique landscape. And if our context feels limitative, confusing and chaotic, we need to free ourselves from it. We have the ability to create a new mindset where we can express ourselves more freely and lightheartedly. The rest will follow suit. Eventually.

While I still often struggle with defining myself through what I haven’t achieved or what I can’t do, while I still often cling on to finding THE answer, I also realise that what I would benefit from the most is giving myself a break from time to time. To give myself a break might also entail adopting a “balcony seat” perspective and acknowledging the resilience and growth mindset that I’ve built along the way. Or moving away from the belief that something is due to happen only if I follow in Sisyphus’ footsteps and push hard for an answer.

LET’S TURN THE LENS ON YOU: What is a question that you are struggling to find an answer to? What would it take and how would it feel like to let go of the chase?

Off the canvas reflections

Clearly, I am not your typical artist. I plunged into the creative industry and called myself a make-up artist in my early 30s, in a completely new environment/country, without really knowing what I was doing and why I was doing it (at least the beginning). As a result of this initial confusion, but also because I started this journey at a time where my rebellious nature was in full bloom (against trends, standards and social programming, against my upbringing and default behavioural patterns, against a constant people-pleasing attitude and unhealthy submissiveness), I didn’t quite follow the (what is generally accepted as) the easy or forward path in the industry. A (back then) low self-esteem, a fierce inner critic (that I’m learning to play with) and my general anxiety (that I’m learning to walk alongside, not against, by not allowing it to define me) would stand in my way many times. While this off the beaten track and often confusing trajectory made me stumble and wander and get stuck so many times, I am beginning to grasp the ways in which it slowly pays off. It is all a process. My process.

While I am not pretending to share ineffable answers and recipes, here are a few things I’ve learned in the process that helped me better define myself as an artist, while keeping in line with my personality, values and higher purpose.

🌱Define your values & intentions. Trust your process. If you’re someone like me who puts their core, intuition and values above industry trends and standards, success, unsustainable practices and doing what everyone else is doing just to fit in, you might also often feel disoriented, overwhelmed, misseen (or unseen), easily falling down the sabotage path. That’s okay, it’s not gonna be easy when you’re learning to connect to your real needs and values, when you begin to set boundaries, when you’re rebelling against the current but want at the same time to be seen (a perfectly valid need). Trust your process no matter how many fallbacks you come across and let go of unnecessary struggles. Things will start flowing when you do that. Breathe and have fun in between the hard work. Find ways to grow as an artist in the direction YOU set for yourself. Call a friend and ask for guidance from like-minded people, but also step out of your comfort zone a little bit. Challenge yourself with people and situations. This will give you wings and turn down the volume on your ego.

🌱Ask yourself some relevant questions. Put pen on paper. What really helped me dehaze some of the trillion thoughts regarding who I was as a creative, but also where I want to be (in the long run), what brings me joy and who I am beyond the girl with the make-up brush, was to take time to write down some relevant (to me) questions. Give yourself time to sit with them. Let the answers simmer and find their way to you, don’t force them. Read them out loud when you’ve got some answers. Get back to it when you are feeling lost. And if some of the answers don’t take any concrete form, let them be and stay curious about the question itself (see my previous article). Here’s a list of handpicked questions I’ve come across along the way (from various sources), that could make for a good starting point:

“In what ways have you most grown in the past year? What was the biggest risk you’ve taken?” — Breathe Magazine
“What ‘little wins’ bring you the most joy?” — Breathe Magazine
“What does success mean to you?” — Breathe Magazine
“What was the best new thing you’ve explored this year?” — Breathe Magazine
“What is the greatest obstacle you’ve overcome and what did this experience teach you?” — Breathe Magazine
“What, to you, is the distinction between your job and your Work?” — Didier Sylvain
“Where in your Work are you and are you not currently getting compensated? What, if anything, are you called to change here?” — Didier Sylvain
“What parts of your job do you want to connect more deeply with your Work? What’s one thing you can do to address that this week/month/year?” — Didier Sylvain
“What would your day-to-day life look like in an ideal world? How do you want your work to make you feel?” — Alex Pett
“What is missing from what you do right now? Are there any values that are important to you that your current job doesn’t respect?” — Alex Pett

🌱As hard as it can be for your ego, pause and adopt a beginner’s mindset whenever things feels overwhelming and you need a fresh canvas to start with. Be willing to unlearn and start all over. Repeat this process several times in your lifetime.

🌱Say “yes” to your own needs. Don't be afraid to say “no”. Turn down “opportunities” that you don’t align with. Listen to your gut feeling, yet don’t confuse intuition with fear to step out of your comfort zone. As my insightful mentor put it: if it doesn’t meet any of the 3 criteria (FINANCE – CREATIVITY – CONNECTION) then that answers my question on whether to take that job or not. I would add another one that is aligned with my creative persona: MEANING - the project’s ability to ‘say’ something important about the causes I believe in. Ideally, the job or project would meet at least two or three of these criteria, and if it’s just one, still consider it. Whenever I said “yes” although my body said “no”, I ended up not being able to give my best on the shoot, at best, or plunging right into a burnout phase (particularly after a chain of misdirected yes-es), at worst. These criteria are not exhaustive, make-up your own, according to your own priorities and (real) needs. Define what each criteria means to you and why it is important.

🌱 Choose quality over quantity. How many times have you sent out a bulk of emails, pitching yourself and your skills, to brands and other creatives? How many times have you received just 5 replies out of 100 emails sent, with just 1 materialising? How many times have you had no replies whatsoever? I’ve been through this many times, and it often left me depleted and hopeless. Of course, it’s often just a matter of being patient or of being the right person at the right time. Yet there’s a limit to that and I think there’s a better way to do it. Not necessarily faster, but better. It’s a competitive industry, in the end, and your uniqueness is more likely to shine through when you go more in-depth with why you reached out to that potential client and what you can bring to the table in alignment with it. Going this route (sending less but more invested messages) might require more thought process, more creative energy, and it might not get you way more replies than if sending bulks, yet it might be more rewarding in quite a few ways. Put more of yourself out there. You will be developing the ability to define your artistry in a more profound way.

🌱 The video content dilemma. Contrary to what you may generally hear from here and there, no, you DO NOT need to constantly adapt to trends. Firstly, most often than not, trends come and go, speedier than ever. Secondly, there are so many trends at the moment, that it’s impossible to catch up. It’s overwhelming, to say the least. So rather than allowing yourself to be put off by not being able to catch a trendy train, or by not having a penchant for it, focus on what keeps you in a flow, on what you’re good at. From a different angle, though, if you’d be curious about trying it out, but you feel like it’s way out of your comfort zone, then maybe you should have a play at it, in your own time, with a rested mind and body, and approach it in a way that feels genuine and connected.

🌱 Don’t bother about the algorythms. Don’t waste your energy trying to figure out ways to game the algorithms. Let the marketing people and influencers get the hang of it (good luck to them with that!). Go for a walk instead (ideally in nature) and let your mind wander and your spirit be free from all these constraints. Curate your feed, yes, make it stand out, but in a way that is in tune with your creative persona, have a play (always!). You can be strategic, yes, but don’t lose yourself in the process. You'll never find out who you are if you're always striving to build an image of yourself through other people's lenses. I have written more in depth about Instagram feeds here.

🌱 Be patient and willing to grow organically. I might have often felt frustrated with or blamed myself for the fact that I didn’t (know how to) take shortcuts, and I still struggle in some ways, yet I haven’t given in to the pressure of conforming to a rhythm and direction I’m not in tune with. I might not be for everyone, but my sense tells me that this direction will be more fulfilling for me in the long run. Everything pays off sooner or later and the right people will come your way when there’s alignment.

🌱 Rest & play. At the end of the day, we can’t just constantly work. Free play, rest (in all of its forms), mind-wandering, will all nourish and enhance creativity. As cliché as it sounds, “art for art’s sake” plays a crucial role in our healthy development as creatives. And this goes beyond the creative industry. We need ingredients like flow, fun, lighthearted art, messy art, unstructured time, in order to bring fulfilment to our lives. Avoid getting caught in the swirl of things and give yourself a play break.

LET’S TURN THE LENS ON YOU: Okay, I guess I’ve rebelled enough around here. I would love you to share a piece of advice that created an important shift for you.