The taste of CHILDHOOD And a glitch in my nervous system that found a favourable moment to come to surface in a HEALING way. My grandmother died some 13 years ago. The loss was incomprehensible at that time, for both me and my mum. She was a pillar of strength (at least on the surface) for my mum and a safe space for me - she loved me dearly, unconditionally, and I'd spend a great deal of my childhood and early teens with her and my grandfather (another soothing presence in my life). The difference between my mum's mourning of her loss and my own was that she was visibly overwhelmed by it (weight loss, deep pain and sadness, rivers of tears), while I was, in many ways, emotionally paralysed (to be read as a FREEZE state). I couldn't connect to either my pain or my mother's, on the contrary, I'd feel the need to push the pain away, as well as my mother, as a consequence. I couldn't express my anger and the underlying sadness craving to penetrate the walls. The worst part in all this was the confusion. I didn't understand why I, such an emotional, intense and sensitive being, couldn't cry, why I felt nothing (which was so far from the truth, but I didn't know it then). And I'd feel both guilty and superficial - a stigma that would not cease to feel sticky up until more recently.
Thank you, Laura, for sharing such a personal and precious memory of your Mimi with us (and for the delicious cake i was lucky to try as well!). Your thoughts on healthy morning routines came as a gentle reminder for me to not be put aback by the pause in my own morning rituals and restart few of them. So this morning i unconsciously took one of your suggestions of reading something uplifting, inspiring ahead of any work related readings - your newsletter. And it felt good and grounding to be immersing myself in your observations and learnings of life, which resonate with me on many levels. Thank you!
Thank you, Laura, for sharing such a personal and precious memory of your Mimi with us (and for the delicious cake i was lucky to try as well!). Your thoughts on healthy morning routines came as a gentle reminder for me to not be put aback by the pause in my own morning rituals and restart few of them. So this morning i unconsciously took one of your suggestions of reading something uplifting, inspiring ahead of any work related readings - your newsletter. And it felt good and grounding to be immersing myself in your observations and learnings of life, which resonate with me on many levels. Thank you!